I feel very guilty.


My mom has been under such tremendous pressure recently for reasons I don't feel like elaborating upon. Wednesday, we were at IKEA thirty minutes away from our house when she got violently ill with cellulitis. She drove home crying, and I honestly though she was going to die. She had 104.5 fever.

Her lymph nodes were damaged from faulty intravenous for an asshole-of-a-nurse when she had given birth to Elana and I. The day after receiving it, she had blood poisoning. Again, a long story that I really don't want to go into. All you really need to know is that the lymph nodes in her right arm are permanently damaged, meaning that if she so much as gets scratched on that arm, it's essentially russian roulette; it could heal normally, or she could lose the limb.


This time, although her infection is beginning to subside, her arm has remained horribly swollen. My mother is an incredibly fit person, having beautiful, visibly defined muscles, especially on her arms. Her right arm has ballooned significantly, and is so swollen with fluid that she says she can't even recognize it. My mom isn't the type of petty person to fixate on her cuticles or split ends, but she takes much pride in the hard work she's put into giving herself a muscular physique.

She thinks that the remaining lymph nodes might have died off due to the severity of her lymphedema. If this is the case, her arm is effectively stuck like this forever.


Mom mom is such a hard worker, and she tries so hard for our family. She supported her own family since her father's death at 14-years-old, and hasn't stopped working to this day. She works long hours six days a week, and had been under so much pressure due to the TMOD test( Although this has been more or less resolved, she was still under tremendous stress). Her one day off is spend chauffeuring her verbally abusive alzheimer's-ridden mother around and catering to her needs while she's treated like the lowest form of scum imaginable. I don't know why bad things keep happening to her.


God, I love her so much. I'm confident that her arm will heal. She deserves so much better.





I just want her to be okay. I'd give my life for hers in an instant.